THE DAWN OF THE ALPHA COUPLE

I believe that men and women are slowly beginning to evolve into like minded beings that can think and act beyond typical stereotypes. If we have to live together, how long can we be at mental loggerheads and be complete opposites, as it's often assumed we are?

The concept of alpha beings is ancient, it still exists in wolf communities and yet in our changing human world, we continue to adhere to its impossible standards. I'd like to think we're slightly more sophisticated than a pack of slobbering dogs and I'm the first person to admit a complete lack of appreciation for (and even a mild hatred, in some cases) of the typical, neanderthal-brained 'alpha' male. Today, in his extreme state, he is the breadwinner, but also a beer guzzling fanatic of competitive team sports (usually football), often derogatory to women, prone to aggression with misled fashion sense and a belief that biceps bigger than his head make him attractive. (Try to get him to wear a suit outside of his workplace if he's not a builder, or on an occasion other than his own wedding, and he will probably use these biceps, even on a woman.) And I dare you to tell him he'd look good in pink. I did say this was his extreme state. (Perhaps what I'm describing is actually a chav. And perhaps the concept of 'alpha male' is akin to being a chav these days. I would go as far as saying that this issue is class and education related. A colleague of my husband's saw him reading the fashion pages of GQ recently and thought it was a gay magazine. Enough said. (He wears the company issue nylon suits, and it's not compulsory to do so.)

What do they really think it achieves??

On the other hand, it would be only fair to describe the typical beta female. She is bland, accommodating of all kinds of shit, has too many kids, stops wearing makeup because she 'hasn't got time', drinks Rosé wine by the case and has no career to speak of. (But is adamant that her job bringing up the family is just as fulfilling.) If she's genuinely happy, then I'm happy for her. Honest.

If she is not actually happy, there is clearly another way. Educated people are making the transition from what used to be considered the accepted and advocated norm, to something more refined and a lot more complex. We live in a world where brains get men further than brawn and where women want more mental fulfilment than childbearing alone can give them. The new alpha male is one who has enough confidence not to be threatened by a strong woman with goals outside of the home and she too of course, has alpha qualities. If the alpha male has learned to kerb his jealousy and aggression and stop assuming he needs to provide everything from his sperm to the daily bread, he will quickly begin to understand that he can have a fulfilling relationship with someone he has something in common with. He can even share the role of child raising! You'd have a hard job convincing a depressing number of men that this is the way forward, so stuck are they in the past and their perception of gender roles.

The vice of the young housewife

A 2007 Times article by Kate Mulvey surmises that what we women need to do to solve this problem, is to continue to provide for ourselves and get what we want out of life, but seek a 'beta male' to complement this lifestyle choice. Coming to terms with role reversal is the key, she asserts. I beg to differ, rather strongly. Why should a man surrender his right to his alpha qualities to give way to the female? It's the very thing we are complaining about as women, so aren't we being a little hypocritical?! She writes -

"We all witnessed the implosion of the 1980s power couple. As women flexed their shoulder pads, all you got were stressed couples who were battling for the same role and trying to find a slot in their diaries for dinner."

I'd say that was because neither of them valued their marriage as much as their career. Perhaps if they both let up slightly, in equal quantities, they'd have time for each other. I fail to see why the 'finding time' bit has to be completely one sided, whilst the other disgruntled person is at home eagerly waiting for them to announce a two hour opening. We're beings of equal intellect, how can we continue to expect to treat each other with such inequality?

In the words of my own neo-alpha male when asked what women should do, he said "Women should stand their ground and only settle for men who are willing to take them and their intelligence and careers on board and eventually, the concept of the selfish alpha male would die out altogether. Underachieving women with no goals are boring and dull. What would you have to talk about?" True as it may be, typical alpha males see their marriage as a more of a convenience than a partnership. They don't want to talk to their women, confide in them or ask for their advice, they just want to be fed, fucked, have a live in ego masseuse, someone to bear more of their alpha male babies and someone to hang on their arm looking meek and respectable, when they have to go to corporate parties.

I'd like to think this scenario is a rapidly diminishing one. In the same way that I can't help myself getting slightly damp when I see a handsome, polished, suited-up business man who knows how to carry himself and isn't afraid of a scattering of designer stubble and a pink shirt with double cuffs, I'd like to think he could get equally turned on by me in power dress mode wearing six inch heels, even if I started to recite Dostoevsky. And if I wasn't married and we were to hit the sack, after fucking him senseless - I'd probably be asleep before him.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article2602592.ece